Sunday, January 2, 2011

2010 Year in Review

From this: 
to this: 

I'd say that's a pretty good year of improvement.  Biggest difference?  Better anatomy by far, especially with legs and hands hips.  A lot more background work, a lot of ATCs, and a lot of media experimentation and learning, specifically with markers but with paint, ink...hell, even pencil, I learned some new stuff.  
Also...almost no Bailey this whole year.  I only did one piece of him and it was early on in the year.  It was a small piece.  He's only appeared in small things, and only twice, and one of them wasn't finished.  The other times were margin doodles in notes, and at that, VERY rarely.

All the art above is mine 100% except for in September, that was a collaboration with Sophie--she sketched, I did everything else--learned a lot from that piece.  May was drawn for Clockworkgh0st (she has a tumblr, flickr, LJ, dA, and FA all under that name--see them, her work is FAB) but it was linework for a collaboration and featured Lancelot and her rat character.  It was some of the best inkwork I've ever done, hence, showing it off.  December is of course Sophie's character, co-designed and drawn 100% by yours truly.  

A lot of Dan and Lance this year!  And Carlos too, but not as much as Lance/Emilie and Dan.  They're fun to draw.  

Explanation, in short, is I befriended a person IRL who was insecure, nice to me, etc. not a bad person.  I got more and more unsure of the friendship due to her health.  She drew Bailey for me a lot.  I've kept every picture she gave me.  I don't dislike her but I am afraid of her, even though the fear has become irrational.  I want her to be happy and well again, but I can't even talk about her without becoming seriously anxious and even having bad dreams later on.  How does this relate to Bailey?

I can't think of him anymore because she reminded me of him in so many ways, not just because she drew him for me (in that case, Lindsay and others would be unusable as well).  His personality, his mannerisms, his interests, his tastes in music and fashion, his whole life.  The associations are so strong that I hate him.  Literally, he is an abhorrent character for me now.  I'm giving serious thought to discussing this with my psychologist because it upsets me so much.  I can't even think of trying to draw him.  So much of him was in this person.  I'm...almost scared of him now.  It may sound dumb especially because it's just a character, but characters have always been a way to describe myself and to vent and learn.  They hold a lot of personal meaning (well, some of them do) and Bailey was one of them.  For six years he was closest, the most symbolic, the favorite.  I half outgrew him but it shouldn't be like this now. This is really upsetting to me.  I want him back. 

Anyway.  This blog is for my art, not my life.  Happy 2011 and hoping to post soon, have more WIP's, both personal (adult) and for friends, and the finished version of Sophie's ref at last.  

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